Mitu is really upset about not getting the promotion that she has been waiting for for a year. She was telling her friend, “Why this always happens to me? Why can’t I do anything right? All of our friends are either working in leading positions, going abroad, or tying the knot. And look at me! Forget about my dream to open my own business, I do not even get a promotion!”
We can feel Mitu’s frustration, right? It seems that the world is conspiring against us when we do not get what we worked hard for. And seeing other people achieving their dreams adds gas to that flame! I am not saying that we all are jealous of each other, the thing is, watching others’ success stories can make us feel that “I have not done enough!”
But is that true? Let’s go back to Mitu to find out the answer.
Mitu did not get the promotion, which is undoubtedly sad. But what about getting the job in the first place? Or, do the job so well for a long time? And what did she do before that? She studied hard and secured a good result in the university. So, is her life all work and no play? No! She was a member of the cultural club of her university and actively participated in all the programs.
Mitu thinks that all of her friends are doing really well in their lives, let’s see what do those friends think about Mitu. Riya says, “I think Mitu is doing great! She is working in a well-reputed organization. It is a secured job and I envy her flexible working hours!” Raju says, “I wish I could earn as much as Mitu! I am in a similar position in another company but they offer a lower salary.”
The thing is, we recognize others’ achievements very easily. But when it comes to ourselves, we tend to focus on the lacking, rather than the strength. If I ask you, “What do you want in your life?”, you can probably give a list of things. But if I ask, “What have you got in your life?”, will you be able to do the same?
We generally recognize only the big materialistic outcomes as success and forget things like safety, comfort, a happy family, good friends, and freedom. Not getting a well-deserving promotion is definitely upsetting, but can any amount of money replace the secure feeling of a friendly environment? Is Mitu acknowledging that? At the same time, we do not give ourselves enough credit for the things that we have done, but we do not miss the chance to blame or shame ourselves for the things that we couldn’t do. We think of ourselves as failures when we miss a deadline, but do we praise ourselves when we meet one?
So, let’s take out some time today and think about what you have done in life that you are proud of. As there is no rule regarding feeling good about yourself, you can add anything that you want. From your prize at a school race to your recent award as the best employee, from getting a competitive job to being able to afford the favorite things of your parents, from buying your first phone with your hard-earned money to going abroad with a scholarship; anything and everything can be on that list! I am sure, you will revive lots of good memories while making the list and realize that “You have not done enough, but you have actually done A LOT!”
When the list of your life is finished, put it someplace where you can reach it from time to time and relive the beautiful feelings of your proud moments. Keep lots of blank spaces at the end of that list so that you can add new events. Whenever you feel that you are not competent enough, take out the list and regain your confidence. Instead of asking “What have I done?” ask yourself, “What else can I do?”
Nasrin Sultana Shila is an Industrial Organizational Psychologist, Educator, Author, and Content Creator
